He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
