fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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