If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
