Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's never too late to be topless.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
