You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
