You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
