I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize