I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
