You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
