you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
