hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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