She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
