so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize