Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
