Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
