Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
