Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
