If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
