I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
