When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
