theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
