I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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