I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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