i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize