I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
