I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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