I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
