Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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