nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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