i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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