i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
