I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
