i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
