Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
