Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
