areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
