just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
