when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
