Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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