i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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