Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
