I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
