He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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