I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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