i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
