Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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