Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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