I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
