Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
