hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
