i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
