Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize