Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
