So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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