I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm lost and stupid without you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
