Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
