i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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