I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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