If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
