Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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