butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
