is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
