does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
