My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
