best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
