she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
