Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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