your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
